Matters of the Heart

Whenever I write, there is a heart connection. You can depend on it. On Valentine’s Day I feel that there are moments in time that connections are very strong all over this country. Many at the same time. I know that it creates something bigger. Something good.

When you read my writing you’ll recognise that I pat my heart, and point to you. It connects us on the heart level. The other day I was explaining how I train people on a reservation system. I pointed out that I always knew when they were going to break through or not on the patterning you have to know to move through the different windows and information fills. The emotional response might feel intrusive since I’m not just speaking to the mind of my trainee, I’m speaking to the emotions. I’ve asked them to re-pattern and I have to point out the trips and fails along the way. I take this very seriously and approach it with a heart connection. Otherwise they can become defensive and not gain the confidence to make the change necessary so they can move with ease on a very detailed system. I know they’re going to make it when we can laugh about the repatterning. The defenses drop and the new creative space is filled with room to grow.

You can say the words or make the motions, but until you connect to them on an emotional level, change will be in a holding pattern. Celebrate love and connections!

(pats heart, and points to you)

The heart will always shine through.

“Introspection,” dear Bear

It’s that time when the wind blows a bit cold in California and our few rainstorms are actually dropping more than a teasing bucketful in our Coastal direction. I took a day off due to my daughter’s wisdom teeth removal and while she slept I found myself listening to the rain and not wanting to leave the nest of my bed. Coffee and breakfast became part of my downtime as I sat quietly sipping and staring out the window breathing to the drip drop meditation of the moment. I went inward for a check up or check in with my heart strings.

Family and friends no longer here on Earth, and people I’ve let go of to save my own sanity. Detaching is such a tricky thing for the mind. We take some actions and on the outside it looks tidy and settled, but the mind keeps working it until you find a peace about it. 42 years with my man. That says it all, eh? Maybe not and that’s something to check in with too. We have “what’s next” and don’t know what that means yet. His mom is 90. The only parent left between us. My children 17, 19, and 25. Where did the time go?

My children are working on adulthood and my role as “Mom” is changing. They see my faults more, and point them out like I don’t know them…so they can let me go and move forwarding their own lives. Check in with their idea of how life should roll out. Somedays it is painful, but I know a necessary growth for all of us. For years I have shared with them things they did not want to hear either. The trade off has come.

I’m going to be 60 years old in a few months. Don’t know what I want to do about it? Celebrate it loudly or let it come in quietly. Years ago while learning to meditate, I was told to let the busy thoughts in my mind pass like clouds drifting by. Today I want to hold those clouds and shake loose what keeps passing. To see what keeps coming up and maybe finally put it to rest.

I wonder what I’d come up with if I had all winter to think, and sip and watch the rain. Guess I’ll have to check in while the sun shines too.

(pats heart)

Passing Clouds

A Heart too Full?

Humankind…Be Both

When I went to bed last night I was exhausted with a full heart. It was full of the celebration spirit from the people I was working among last night. Some of them complete strangers. I do love working holiday events. I get to participate without being the strange woman who talks to everyone. hahaha. I know how to work a room, and hospitality is one of my skills so I get to spread some joy with actions and word skill. Oh yeah, I can get them dancing too. Kindness was a requirement in our family. Taking each person as an individual pointed out as we matured. Letting compassion be a compass before judgement. Thanks mom and dad. Both gone now but they’ll live in my heart until it stops beating. I have some time to spread more of it around.

My day had run a full gamut of emotions as I started at 5:30am yesterday and it wasn’t over until 1:53am this morning. I got a call early in the day while working at the hotel. A tiny young child lies in a body cast today. Alive. She got ran over in a parking lot by a truck two days ago. I don’t know the details. Not the time for them. She and I danced and laughed together last month. I had intentionally made the effort to bond with her. She remembered my name and it touched my heart knowing we had connected. High fives. Singing. She has an amazing grandma, so I have a heart full of hope as I sending love and light to surround her and her family. They have a road to travel that was not planned. We just never know now do we?

Another friend shared her struggles with a son who is very lost. She is suffering over things she can not control and the support she deserves is not there. As I listened to her with no answers to give, I knew that just this time for her to share was an opening for some hope for herself. She must stay strong and she’s tired. My heart is with her.

What a day. Tears and unchartered pathways. Hope and joyful moments. It’s messy out there in the space of living while connecting with others. You get your head and heart involved with the stories of others lives and you have NO control over any of it. Here’s the thing though. My heart is full. I was thinking maybe too full so I wrote this down and now my heart feels some peace as I read my own thoughts back here in this space. I do know that once you “get it out” there is a place created for its healing or a change. “Our thoughts are prayers and we are always praying”.

There was sadness, but there were lots of hugs and goodness spoken last night for a year we do not know yet. Bravo! From our lips to the universal force. Good stuff right there I’m thinking? I approach 2019 will a full tank in my heart. I hope to share some with you this year. I encourage you to do the same.

Thanks for reading my thoughts here. (pats heart, and points to all of us)

You Know Now

Out in public:  People think they know me. Say it all the time.

“Do I know you?” “You look familiar” “You remind me of…”

It’s not my look… it’s my vibe. We all want to come home to it. Me too. That’s why I am who I am. The poster child so to speak of the good vibe.

I get to work at a few places where my vibe is appreciated and encouraged. Living the dream, I say.

I get to train, and interact with people so along the way I share the vibe. I don’t talk about it much, I just be and do and am lucky enough to know that being the good vibe and sharing that vibe is what it’s all about.

Most everyday I do the hokey pokey. I turn myself around, and I there I am. Living in the moment with who ever is by my side.

Now you know me. (pats heart, and points to you)

Is it Obvious? What is 60?

So, I am apparently heading into “that” year!

The year that apparently wants to rattle me in some way.

It’s starting to be apparent that this type of year occurs more than once in a lifetime.

So…

Apparently I’m more awake today than I’ve been in the past.

Since…

I apparently know more.

Which apparently might make me wiser.

But…

Apparently the ride is NOT over.

I was recently told that I’m apparently “IN” for the time of my life.

Okay then.

Apparently the choice has been made and that is that!

59 is apparently the number before 60 takes over.

(pats heart, and apparently points to you)

 

 

Train Keeps a Rollin’

I feel like a small train has come and gone over me. The last few weeks have turned me up and in and back again and on and on and chug, chug, chug.

Seems death has made a sweep around me and my community of peeps. We’re reaching out to each other as the rawness surrounds the moments. I’ve always been “one who hugs” and the hugging thermometer has hit a high point. Our need to connect.

At lunch I go to the park and read or meditate. Some days I walk the quiet path.

There is a balance so close to the edge these days. Not sure how well I’m taking it. But I’m processing it. Not afraid to think about my role in it. I’m letting it into my whole being. I’m letting it teach me more about my connections with people. What I mean to them and what they mean to me. What I’m willing to give in order for them to mean more.

Death reminds us to embrace life. Riding the ever-changing pace of life’s train is the journey.  Me? I relying on a good sense of humor and a calming voice to be applied to everyday occurrences because we are funny folk, my friends. My best memories of people are the times we share laughter or maybe cried until we found laughter again. Laughing together with love in our hearts.  And the calm? Well the calm doesn’t need its role explained, right? It’s a necessary ingredient to this trip.
Alright! I’m leveling up again. It is joyfully exhausting… but, hey!… the leveling up is why I got on this train in the first place.
All Aboard to What’s Next!

(pats heart, and points to you)

I Remember when the Title Worked

Now I don’t have a title to sell, borrow or beg.
In a long string of experiences, I am just me.
You find yourself there if you look.
high,
low,
deep.
Stare at the surface until it fades away.
Is there more?
Laughing it out of myself.
I remember when the title worked.

Catch Up

Take a breath

Take a minute

Try for 2

You’re committed

Feels so good

Let it go

Catch Up

to YOU.

Back to the Balance

I don’t get along with exhaustion. Can’t spell the word. (thank you spell check).

My mind wanders as critical mass occurs so I go with it and new perspective shows up.

The window in my room now frames a cypress tree I planted years ago. Some sanity.

Runaways, sudden deaths, high emotions, everyday pressures…not sure how I feel.

I just feel.

SO here I am.  Who are YOU I ask each day. Where do you fit in the balance of all things this day. THIS day.  I’ve become the idea I’ve wanted to create so now I’m deep into it, and I look for a bit of a “breather” to head my way so I can renew and come back to the balance.

I step into the yard and let the chill of the morning take hold as I feel the good life below coming up through my bare feet to fill me.  I wonder how others live without doing this or feeling it then remind myself you “get it” even if you don’t “get it”.  The good earth provides.

So off to the races of living I go and rest will come or change will change-up the entire game. I have no doubt that something is brewing.

I can feel it.

Back to Balance.

(pats heart, and points to this day)

And so this Passing

I love comparing my year to another trip around the sun. Wheeeeeee!

Here I sit on day one of my NEW TRIP! I already like the sound of that, right? Doesn’t it just SING adventure?

I do reflect on what’s happening in my life but now I find most of it is done on the go. Something happens. I respond to it and then reflection is right there. In my face. Smakadoodle!  People may see my expression as a long distance look in my eyes. See?  I’m inside reflecting! I find it very handy to carry the burden of something with me. That is not an option anymore. It either needs my attention or I’m letting it go. One little reflection after the other.

I  have to use those brain cells to remember where I left my keys and where I parked the car. Important stuff. 🙂

I embrace this next round.

I’m ready because today is……… IT.

I’m willing because today I……… CAN.

I’m able because I choose to………BE.

(pats heart, and points to the trip ahead)

WHEEEE HAHAHAHAHA