So, I am apparently heading into “that” year!
The year that apparently wants to rattle me in some way.
It’s starting to be apparent that this type of year occurs more than once in a lifetime.
Apparently I’m more awake today than I’ve been in the past.
I apparently know more.
Which apparently might make me wiser.
Apparently the ride is NOT over.
I was recently told that I’m apparently “IN” for the time of my life.
Apparently the choice has been made and that is that!
59 is apparently the number before 60 takes over.
(pats heart, and apparently points to you)
I feel like a small train has come and gone over me. The last few weeks have turned me up and in and back again and on and on and chug, chug, chug.
Seems death has made a sweep around me and my community of peeps. We’re reaching out to each other as the rawness surrounds the moments. I’ve always been “one who hugs” and the hugging thermometer has hit a high point. Our need to connect.
At lunch I go to the park and read or meditate. Some days I walk the quiet path.
There is a balance so close to the edge these days. Not sure how well I’m taking it. But I’m processing it. Not afraid to think about my role in it. I’m letting it into my whole being. I’m letting it teach me more about my connections with people. What I mean to them and what they mean to me. What I’m willing to give in order for them to mean more.
Death reminds us to embrace life. Riding the ever-changing pace of life’s train is the journey. Me? I relying on a good sense of humor and a calming voice to be applied to everyday occurrences because we are funny folk, my friends. My best memories of people are the times we share laughter or maybe cried until we found laughter again. Laughing together with love in our hearts. And the calm? Well the calm doesn’t need its role explained, right? It’s a necessary ingredient to this trip.
Alright! I’m leveling up again. It is joyfully exhausting… but, hey!… the leveling up is why I got on this train in the first place.
All Aboard to What’s Next!
(pats heart, and points to you)
Now I don’t have a title to sell, borrow or beg.
In a long string of experiences, I am just me.
You find yourself there if you look.
Stare at the surface until it fades away.
Is there more?
Laughing it out of myself.
I remember when the title worked.
I don’t get along with exhaustion. Can’t spell the word. (thank you spell check).
My mind wanders as critical mass occurs so I go with it and new perspective shows up.
The window in my room now frames a cypress tree I planted years ago. Some sanity.
Runaways, sudden deaths, high emotions, everyday pressures…not sure how I feel.
I just feel.
SO here I am. Who are YOU I ask each day. Where do you fit in the balance of all things this day. THIS day. I’ve become the idea I’ve wanted to create so now I’m deep into it, and I look for a bit of a “breather” to head my way so I can renew and come back to the balance.
I step into the yard and let the chill of the morning take hold as I feel the good life below coming up through my bare feet to fill me. I wonder how others live without doing this or feeling it then remind myself you “get it” even if you don’t “get it”. The good earth provides.
So off to the races of living I go and rest will come or change will change-up the entire game. I have no doubt that something is brewing.
I can feel it.
Back to Balance.
(pats heart, and points to this day)
I love comparing my year to another trip around the sun. Wheeeeeee!
Here I sit on day one of my NEW TRIP! I already like the sound of that, right? Doesn’t it just SING adventure?
I do reflect on what’s happening in my life but now I find most of it is done on the go. Something happens. I respond to it and then reflection is right there. In my face. Smakadoodle! People may see my expression as a long distance look in my eyes. See? I’m inside reflecting! I find it very handy to carry the burden of something with me. That is not an option anymore. It either needs my attention or I’m letting it go. One little reflection after the other.
I have to use those brain cells to remember where I left my keys and where I parked the car. Important stuff. 🙂
I embrace this next round.
I’m ready because today is……… IT.
I’m willing because today I……… CAN.
I’m able because I choose to………BE.
(pats heart, and points to the trip ahead)
The scales tip from side to side.
In silence I absorb, reflect, process then let go to the highest good it will become.
My light has flickered in a whirling sadness then brightened with the task at hand.
Knowing and feeling, and surrounded by chaos it pulls and releases more love.
My arms…wide open. My thoughts… already there.
I see it inside.
(pats heart, and points to all of us)